ALS, Lyme, Cars, Projects, and Massage……

So it seems that they have found the cause for ALS. Of course I am not sure what this will mean for Scott. Does this mean that they will be able to find a treatment in time to help him? Maybe it will be something that can help the kids should they fall into the familia category of the disease as we are still unsure of whether or not this ALS is the type that is passed down genetically. If it is then the boys each have a 50% chance of developing it during their lifetime as well. How is that for sobering news?

I have had a few people and one in particular tell me that it is very possible that what is going on with Scott could be Lyme disease. Apparently there are people who are being misdiagnosed with ALS and actually have Lyme and that Lyme is treatable. We are not sure that it accounts for all of his symptoms but it seems like it could and why not check it out, right? Apparently you have to go to a doctor that does an extensive test and uses this one particular lab. Now I am reading things that this lab is under investigation. Do we still use the lab? There are people who were told by the traditional tests that they don’t have Lyme disease but this lab said they did and they had treatment that helped them, others maybe a wild goose chase and lots of money later, no help. Isn’t it still worth a try?

I feel like I am in a race against time. As I watch Scott slowly being able to do less and less I feel helpless as to what to do about it. Maybe there isn’t anything we can do. Why are we going through this? There are days that I have a handle on things. The cycle of life, the spiritual path of the soul etc and I do at times find peace in these things. Like they say nobody gets out of this alive! The day to day wears on my heart though and it wears on my strength as a human being. To continue to get up each day and take on whatever that day might bring forward at times feels to be too much to ask. I long for days when I got to worry about stupid shit and not the big stuff. I tell myself that I wouldn’t worry about that stuff now if things could be different. That I wouldn’t waste my time on stupid little things that don’t matter, but I know I would, it is my nature. As hard as I try.

I learned to replace the brakes on my car this weekend. This was brought about because Scott was going to do it and it was proving to be a big struggle for him and so I offered to help. I figured it was something that I might need to learn anyways. After all, I had learned to change a tire in driver’s ed but in all these years I had never actually done it and what would happen if I found myself needing to do this? I have just never learned to do anything to cars. Not that I felt that I couldn’t. More like I really didn’t want to. I have a mother who prides herself in being able to do anything that “the boys” can do”. This always turned me off as I don’t feel like I need to prove anything to anyone. I know I can do whatever I put my mind to and I see lots of women who do what men can do, so what?! So, this weekend I just simply did what needed to be done. I am still sore from the job and have lots of respect for anyone who does this work for a living or just in general without complaints. My brakes work great too! And we saved $500!

With all of this going on I still have the regular things going on like kids and laundry and cleaning and just general wanting to live my life. Alex is in 6th grade and apparently has entirely too much homework. He did manage to put a few things off to the last minute, but my goodness he is only in the 3rd week of school! He literally worked all weekend and is still not done. He still needs to finish the paper mache cover he is working on for one of his projects which at the moment has him sulking on the couch as he is overwhelmed by the fact that it isn’t coming out the way he had anticipated. I am just hoping that this doesn’t mean that we will be starting over when I get home from work tonight. My mind and body are burnt out as it is. I do long to go to work where I can rest and do something that doesn’t require new skills and enormous amounts of patience. I am so happy that I love my work even on the worst days.

A week from today I will start massage school. It seems crazy some days that I could be taking on even more with everything going on here. I do feel called to do this. I have really enjoyed learning, giving and receiving Reiki and would like to offer this as a service to others. Massage and Reiki do go hand in hand and I have this feeling I am going to uncover more things that I need to learn as well on this path. This will give me an additional way to earn income that can be flexible, and I need flexible right now! So, the next 6 weeks should be interesting as I stretch my being just a little more to see what it is capable of doing! Wish me luck and send me energy if you think about it, I will definitely be needing it!