Dear Scott…

26, 2016

Dear Scott,

It’s been a while since I have written, I guess that’s good in a way…

It’s been 4 years now and it is hard to believe that much time has passed. The past year so many things have happened and I am sitting here today feeling like I wanted to share with you what’s been going on. It seems silly to write to you since I am sure you see everything but just humor me, you were always so good at that…

To begin with can you believe Alex just turned 16!! You would be so proud of him. As you know he had a rough couple of years. There was a point when I was so worried I was going to lose him too. This year things are really getting better. He has this teacher for math who he has made a wonderful connection with and I think is helping him come around.  He is working on getting straight A’s and has taken it upon himself to meet with his counselors and teachers and work out what he needs to do to get into Sac State. He is so motivated and mature about it. You would be impressed. I can’t believe how much he is built like you. Sometimes he will do something and there is something in the expression or the way he moves that makes me take a step back. It’s like having a piece of you still here. It’s pretty cool.

Sam is doing so good too! He started wrestling this year and has settled into a tight group of friends. Good friends, who are going in the right direction. Somehow I was able to help steer him away from the group that was brining him down. He is making all A’s now too! It’s funny the reason why he is motivated but I know you will laugh because you know how motivated he is by food! His teacher said she would buy him his own large pizza if he makes straight A’s! It is brilliant that she figured him out so fast!! He’s like “I’m going to get straight A’s so she will buy me a pizza!” Hey, whatever gets him going, right? lol Alex has been lecturing him about making good choices for his classes when he gets to Placer and how he really screwed up the first two years and now he is having to double up and work harder to get to where he wants to go. It is sweet to see what a good big brother he has become.

It’s funny how many people I have run into in the past couple of weeks that didn’t know you had passed or just have brought you up or brought up your illness. Sometimes it is hard to bring all that up but sometimes I think it is just maybe your way of reminding me what we have been through so I can see how far we have come… I don’t know if that makes sense…

I know you had a hard time letting me go and how you were worried about me bringing someone else into the boys lives but you had eventually given me your blessing to move on. Do you remember that dream you had? I remember you telling me that you dreamt that I was dating after you were gone and that I was with some guy “Larry the janitor” you called him. I remember us laughing about that in the kitchen. I remember thinking that sounded horrible! You had said it was ok that I could have “Larry the janitor” if I wanted him.  LOL Dating has left a lot to be desired, I must say. It’s funny the things you don’t see until later, the things you don’t appreciate until they are gone. Lately I realize that you never hesitated to love me. Mostly though I realize that you were never threatened by my strength, but instead found ways to show me my strength when I didn’t see it myself. You supported and nurtured and encouraged me to be stronger than I knew I could be. I realize now how incredibly rare that is to find…

We were really sad to hear about Mark passing… My hope is that he found you and you two are having the best time raising hell and blasting Led Zeplin.  I mentioned this to Sam and his response was “Hell yeah they are!  and with Jasmine and Zues too!” He made me laugh to remember Zues and Jasmine! But I am sure he is right. That is how I like to think of it…

We were going to sell the house and have decided to stay another year and revisit it then. In the meantime I have had some work done on it! Finally removed that horrible siding! I know you liked it but I always hated it. Sorry, but I won haha!!  I had it painted to look better and then it just started to warp and then pieces were flying off in the storms! LOL So it is gone now. It looks great though, doesn’t even look like the same house! I think you would like it even though you wouldn’t have chosen it.

I never know what to do when this anniversary comes around. The kids like me to make tacos since they were your favorite.  I couldn’t find any iris so I found some sunflowers to put out back.  I know they are one of your favorites. It never seems enough, so I write…

Thanks for listening to me go on and on… there is so much more to say but I don’t want to go on all day. Just wanted to let you know we are doing well and are always thinking of you and will always send love your way. Love and miss you so much. Say hi to Mark for us… and Jasmine and Zues…

Love, Bonnie